


Socialism with a gems face

by orphan_account



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Communism, F/F, Memes, lapidot if you blink
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-21
Updated: 2017-11-21
Packaged: 2019-02-05 03:35:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12786078
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: ‘The history of all hitherto existing society is the history if class struggle. Freeman and slave, patrician and plebian, lord serf, guild-master and journeyman, in a word, oppressor and oppressed. now aint that some shit?’-	Karl Marx (probably)When Peridot finds out about the deep and complex world of human politics, she finds that the gems refuse to speak to her on the matter. Now Peridot has spent over a week studying politics and has come to a profound conclusion, that communism is the superior system over democracy. Can the gems convince her to not be a total edge lord before she does something stupid? I honestly do not care.





	Socialism with a gems face

**Author's Note:**

> Warning, memes ahead.

**‘The history of all hitherto existing society is the history if class struggle. Freeman and slave, patrician and plebian, lord serf, guild-master and journeyman, in a word, oppressor and oppressed. now aint that some shit?’**

**\- Karl Marx (probably)**

Human politics never failed to fascinate peridot, in the same way that one may be fascinated when seeing a man in a wheelchair fall over, refusing the help that people offer him and, in a display of pure will power and determination, lift themselves back into their chair…only to slip of again. Truly, a tragic, but mesmerizing spectacle. The interested had first manifested itself in her tiny green form during a pleasant, though average day. Peridot and her barn mate, Lapis -gives no fucks- Lazuli, had decided to visit their loyal friend and comrade Steven Universe. The day had gone well (Even if Peridot had gotten ‘sick’ after eating a supply of weapons grade uranium that Amethyst had given her, for whatever reason), though the moment that stood out for her occurred around 1PM, when Pearl stated to complain about something on their TV. “Honestly, I thought the humans had gotten over the ‘rad terror’ 20 years ago, but no, it’s all ‘China this’ and ‘North Korea that’. How he got elected I’ll never know.” Now peridot’s ears had picked up after hearing Pearl mention elections, she had never heard of the word and, as a self-acclaimed expert on humanity and human culture, this would not do. “Steven, what does ‘elected’ mean?” Steven went on to explain to Peridot that election was a system used to pick a leader in a democratic nation. Of course, this raised more questions than it answered such as ‘what is a democracy’ and ‘why has the system failed to bring an adequate leader to power’. To make a long story short the gems spent the next 3 hours explaining the fundamentals of politics to the green gem, from which she learned that there were 3 main ideologies in the world, ‘Communism’, ‘Fascism’ and ‘Democracy’, how each system worked and why Democracy was the superior choice out of the three. The last point confused peridot greatly, while she could see the appeal to Democracy over Fascism (which, as she understood, was nothing more than a cheap imitation of the Diamond Authority) the green gem could see no appeal in the Democratic system over Communism, Democracy brought stagnation and failure, people spending more time complaining about problems and how they ‘plan’ to fix it instead of fixing said issues, it lead to ‘terrible leaders’ (such as the discolored man Pearl had been scoffing at earlier) gaining authority with nothing more than a few catchy buzz words. Communism seemed to bring the following, it was built around equality and change, when things needed to be fixed they would be fixed, inequality was brought down in a system that treated everyone as equal…similar, in theory, to the Crystal Gems themselves. When these complaints were voiced Peridot found herself meat with unanimous backlash. “Trust us Peridot, Socialism brings nothing but trouble” Pearl commented, the thin gem using a tone of voice that felt far to demeaning for peridots liking “Yeah, P-dot, as cool as the ‘aesthetic’ is, I enjoy eating” And Peridot had tried, she had begged for the Gems to elaborate further, explain why the system was so bad, why it was ‘nothing but trouble’ and why food had anything to do with the topic. Her prays were met with nothing more than excuses and scoffs, Pearl getting annoyed she refused to ‘let the topic go’. The closest to an answer Peridot received was from Garnet. “Trust us Peridot, Friends who want to stay friends never discuss Religion or Politics.” Needless to say, Peridots day had been soured. She left for the barn with Lapis more confused than ever. ‘Why are they avoiding the questions? Why will they not let me learn? Why was Amethyst so keen on making bread jokes?’ On her return to the barn, hers and lapis’ ‘home away from home world’ she quickly began her research, ignoring the warnings of Garnet and complaints of Pearl, if they refused to talk she would turn to a source more reliable and communicative than the Gems could ever hope to be, the internet. Her studies had led her to some…interesting places, forums debating the ethical implications of private ownership, freedom vs safety and if a sub group of humans (known as traps) were of homosexual orientation or not. Through the next 4 days of intense study she learned of a mythical utopia known as the ‘Soviet Union’, under the strong leadership of the General-secretary and icepick enthusiast ‘Daddy Stalin’. She learned of the famous East-Asian supermodel ‘Chairman Mao’. She learned of a great revolutionary in the USA, who promised to free the working class and bring equality, ‘Bernie Sanders’, a name that was meant to strike fear in the hearts of oppressors and Maserati owners. As peridot research continued her fantasies began to grow, she saw herself, sitting at a table with these great leaders, sharing tales of their endless struggle to bring down the oppressive ‘bourgeoisie’ and of meeting him, the man, the myth, the legend himself, Karl Marx, the red sun dawning behind him, the room glowing a soft crimson. “Welcome comrade Peridot, to red heaven.” His voice was like that of an angle, a voice that could not be matched in its gentleness even by the likes of the infamous Rose Quarts herself, a voice more powerful and commanding than the diamonds. It was truly a beautiful scene, truly nothing could match the pure joy she felt in that moment, even if it was only a creation of the mind…well, technically being around Lapis was significantly better than this mere illusion, but what’s wrong with second place. Peridot had made her decision, it was clear to her now that it was up to her alone to bring the revolution to their fair state of Delmarva, she would fan the flames that stirred inside the heart of ever worker until it burned a brighter crimson than any star within their ever-expanding galaxy. ‘Peridot, the Iron Gem, General Sectary and Supreme leader of the Delmarva SSR’, she liked the sound of that. Now, I would like to say that Peri went on to start her workers revolution, bringing on the end to the bourgeoisie and the beginning of a grand Peoples Republic…but there was one problem that she would first have to face. During her ‘Labor wet dream’ a wet spot had formed around the inner thighs and crotch of her jumpsuit, it appeared that the ‘wet dream’ had in fact been a wet dream. “Lapis”, she cried in need “It happened again” Her barn mate, currently resting on a horizontal beam of would inside their (soon to be) Capital building glanced towards her ‘friend’, eyes moving up and down the green gems form, attention drawn to the shimmering wet spot around Peridots crotch. “Oh dear Peridot, do you need some help?” Lapis asked, her voice as sultry and cocky as the grin on her face. The time would come where Peridot would purge the world of the Land owners and businessmen, now was the time for Lapis and cunnalingus.

**‘I told the working class of Russia to stage a revolution and they actually did it, the fucking mad men’**

**\- The fault in our Czars, by Vladimir Lenin**

Peridot had developed a new routine over the last few days, she would wake up at the crack of dawn, when the red sun would rise to bath their barn land in its crimson light, after watching the heavenly scene she would continue in her efforts to establish a communist regime. She had been rather successful at first. On day one she had managed to wage a successful overthrowing of the upper class, and what a battle it was, she had hidden herself high up on the rafters of the barn, waiting for lapis to come back from a flight she had taken earlier in the day, once the blue gem had returned peridot sprung from her hiding spot, diving at lapis in an ‘aggressive-hug’ maneuver that left the blue gem both startled and joyful. On day two she had set up her government, with her as supreme ruler, created a secret police under General-Officer Pumpkin and had create a gulag for Lapis, a spectacular structure made of blankets and pillows, A piece of paper with the ‘GULAG’ stuck with tape to one of the forts walls (and for anyone wondering, yes it was in crayon and yes, she did run out of space on the paper so the last G was squished in). She had felt bad about stuffing Lapis in a prison, she knew that the blue gem some ‘less than pleasant’ experiences in them, but unbelievers must be punished and so Lapis was forced (with consent) into the prison, not allowed to leave unless it was urgent (like if she got bored) and would have to ask Peris permission to leave…if she had the time, she could leave without asking if she really wanted to. The third and fourth day brought on some drastic changes to the ‘aesthetic’ to the barn, as well as Peridot and Pumpkin. The barn had been given a new coat of paint, hammers and sickles along every wall and surface, some (poorly) drawn crayon portraits of Peri had been added to the entire of the barn and the piece de resistance, two flag polls had been erected next to the barn door, a camp pining hearts flag with a black hammer and sickle added in crayon inside the maple leaf flying from each of them. Pumpkin and Peridot both went through a makeover of their own. Pumpkin strutting a fluffy ushanka and an oversized fake mustache and Peridot a whole new form. It had been hard for her, it took more time than effort than Peridot would like to admit, and she had nearly given up more than once, only finding the strength to continue through words of encouragement that Lapis gave her. it had been worth it though, no longer did she wear a jumpsuit, in its place was a long coat, suit pants and military grade boots, a pad on each of her shoulder and several ‘medals’ placed proudly around her chest. By the seventh day she had reached stagnation. After burning all of their food in the name of progress there was nothing left to do, she had no army to invade over countries and to few resources to fund some proxy war. “Oh Pumpkin, what to do” “WOOF!” “For the last time Pumpkin, we are NOT invading Poland” “WOOF, WOOF!” Letting out a disgruntled sigh and look at the clouds, what to do, what to do? “OF COURSE!” she explained, lifting herself of the ground in a singular, fluid motion that should not have been possible for even a creature such as a gem. “The Crystal Gems. Once they see the clear superiority of the communist system they are sure to join me in my Nobel quest. Quickly, to the communication pad, we have a invite to send.” “WOOF!” “What…no. Where you even listen-Why do you hate the poles so much?”

**‘Rush B’**

**\- Soviet Order 77**

The gems had been nothing sort of confused when Steven informed them that he had received a message from Peridot talking about ‘the proof of the superiority communism’ and how she had built a utopian society she wished to show them. After some debate they decided to go straight to the barn, hoping that the green gem hadn’t done anything drastic, she was known for giving 110% in everything she did. When they warped to the barn they were somewhat surprised to find a crudely drawn portrait of Peridot and pumpkin on the outside of the barn, both wearing ridiculous outfits. “Greg is not going to like this.” Garnet stated. “I don’t…why is their…what’s with the hammer and sickl…PERIDOT, GET DOWN HERE AT ONCE AND EXPLAIN YOURSELF.” Pearl screamed, on the verge of her 10th nervous breakdown that week (3 more and the Gems lost the right to see Steven for a month). “AH, The Crystal Gems, I’ve been expecting you.” Came the unmistakable voice of Peridot, the green gem dressed in the same ridiculous robes as her crudely drawn portrait. “What do you think, have I proven the efficiency of Marxism to you yet?” “PERIDOT, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO THE BARN!” pearl screamed “GERG IS GOING TO BE FURIOUS.” “I think you mean fuhrerious, Greg is the owner of a business, a member of the bourgeois and therefore an enemy of the state.” “DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT HALF OF THOSE WORDS MEAN?” “…no, but I get the underlining message.” At his pearl seemed to snap, for a full minute she stood without an artificial breath or blink to speak of, before slowly breathing in while rubbing her hands against her face. “So, you mean to tell me that you, without knowing any of the teachings you preach yourself, decided to paint a bunch of communist symbols all over the barn, warped your form and…and through lapis in a gulag.” She let out in a shaky breath while measuring to Lapis’ pillow fort (where she was currently reading one of those ‘animu’ magazines from china) . “I mean…no, I also burnt all are food in a giant fire.” “…Peridot, clean this mess up.” “BUT I DON’T WANNA!” Peridot wailed, like a toddler told that she had to go to bed when she ‘wasn’t tired.’ “Yeah, come on P-Dot, burning all that food seems like a waste.” “YOUR FACE IS A WASTE.” “URGH, for fuck sake Peri.” Lapis complained, flinging herself in one fluid motion towards peridot. “Just give up already, if you do I’ll…” Lapis made eye contact with the gems for a few second before whispering into Peridots ear while making some hand movements that could either be seen as completely un-suggestive or (in the case they were meant to be suggestive) the kinkiest shit you could ever imagen. “REALY!” Peridot exclaimed, her eyes holding stars in them. “Yes.” “Well what the actual fuck are we waiting for? Come on Lapis.” Peri said, all but dragging Lapis into the barn, leaving the gems confused. “What…What just happened.” Amethyst asked. “You know what. I don’t even care.” Pearl stated, once again emotionally drained by Peridots antics. “Let’s just go home.” “Wow.” Muttered Steven. “We had no part to play in that at all Garnet.” “I know Steven.” Garnet stated. “Let’s just go home before Pearl changes her mind and decides to break into the barn and crush Peridots gem in half.” And with that the gems left the barn, leaving Peri and Lapis to engage in whatever Lapis had promised Peri earlier.

**Author's Note:**

> Well, thanks for sitting through this...absolute shit, this was my first fanfic so I don't blame you if you've lost all hope in life.  
> if this gets 10 kudos i'll make a story about lapis and peridot in an actual dystopia, if it gets 20 kudos then...well then i'll probably blow my fucking brains out to be honest.  
> EDIT: I tried to write a serious story in a dystopia, I couldn't get past the second sentence before it came meme. The me blowing my brains out thing is still on the table though


End file.
